我们多数人总是用乐观的心态去追求爱情，总以为我们可以找到那位适合我们温度、口味和渴望的人，总是固执地追寻所谓对的人，却忽略了真实的人性与关系的复杂。真正的浪漫不在于找到一位完美无缺的“对的人”，而在于与一位“本质美好”但必然有缺点的普通人，我们最终会发现，原来对的人是那位能够调解相互间品味差异的人。我们需要做的是，区分好“可以磨合的矛盾”与“必须离开的伤害”，从而在守护底线的前提下，珍惜并经营好一段真实而深厚的关系。
It’s easy to be pessimistic about many things: the state of the planet, the economy, the future of humanity. Yet there’s one area where many of us retain a curious sense of optimism. We have faith that, from among the millions of our fellow human beings out there, we will one day be able to locate a Very Special Person, a being uniquely well suited to our temperaments, tastes and aspirations; someone who will feel like the missing bit of the complicated jigsaw of our deep selves - someone who can make us whole.
我们很容易对许多事情感到悲观：满目疮痍的地球、动荡的经济形势、人类的未来。然而，在一个领域，我们却始终怀抱近乎执拗的乐观。我们相信在茫茫人海中，终会遇见一个“命中注定的人”，一个与我们的性格、品味和抱负完美契合的人；一个我们感觉能填补内心空缺的人；一个能让我们变得完整的人。
We know it won’t be easy to find them. So many people seem nice, at first, and then the problems emerge: it turns out they have a very annoying sister… or they are far too nervous about things; always insisting on arriving at the airport three hours too early… or they have appalling taste in music… or their conversation after a long day at work leaves a lot to be desired.
我们深知，寻得此人从来不容易的事。最开始相识时，很多人都看似完美，可问题却会渐渐浮现：或许是他们有个烦不胜烦的姐妹，或许是对琐事过分紧张。总坚持提前三小时赶到机场；或许是音乐品味令人咋舌，又或是忙碌整天后的交谈总是乏善可陈。
That’s why we keep searching: calling for more space, taking a break, getting divorced, scrolling through future possibilities online… Though it seems like we must be very romantic to put such efforts into finding the Right Person, in truth, our perpetual search is really a refusal of love. It is a guarantee that we can never succeed at relationships, because in the end, the deep secret to love is that there is no Right Person.
因此我们永不停歇地寻觅：渴望更多空间、选择暂时分开、最终走向离婚、或者在网上浏览潜在的伴侣……表面看来，我们如此努力寻找"对的人"，实在浪漫至极；但事实上，这种永无止境的寻觅恰恰是对爱的拒绝。它注定了我们在感情中无法成功，因为爱的终极秘密是：世界上根本不存在所谓的“对的人”。
There are perfect beings, we can imagine them very clearly, but - tragically - they exist only in the upper atmosphere... and never down here on the earth… It’s the insistence on people being Right that's at the root of rage and intolerance, for we are never more furious than when we believe we had signed up to perfection. And given what the human animal is like, we can be guaranteed always to find something that isn’t entirely right.
虽确有完美之人，我们也能清晰地勾勒出他们的模样。但可悲的是，他们只存在于想象的天际，从未降临这凡尘俗世。正是我们对"完美契合"的执念，滋生了怨愤与苛责。当我们自以为本应拥有完美时，现实的落差总会激起最炽烈的怒火。而究其本质，人类天性注定我们总能在伴侣身上找到不尽人意之处。
To be really romantic, truly committed to what love requires, we need a vital and rarely mentioned quality: a healthy dose of PESSIMISM...Pessimism about what even the most perfect-seeming person will really be like once one gets to know them and with that pessimism comes forgiveness for the inevitably very long range of flaws that we’ll discover in them, and they will - of course - discover in us.
成为真正懂得爱的人，需要一种常被忽视但至关重要的品质：适度的悲观。这份清醒让我们明白：再完美的人也经不起细看。而正是这份先知的悲观，成全了爱情里最珍贵的宽容。当我们在晨光中看清彼此身上的斑驳，当对方也在暮色里数清我们心底的沟壑，两个不完美的人，依然能相视一笑，继续走过漫漫长路。
An optimistic search for the Perfect Person commits us eventually to throwing away everyone we are ever likely to meet… Yet in truth, the person who is really best suited to us is NOT the person who shares all our tastes, but the person who negotiates differences in taste intelligently and wisely. Compatibility is an achievement of love; it can’t be its precondition.
乐观地执着于寻找完美伴侣，终会让我们错过世间所有缘分。事实上，真正与你相契的，并非兴趣完全一致的镜像，而是两个独立灵魂能在差异中编织共鸣。默契不是爱情的前提，而是两个灵魂在碰撞中淬炼出的星火。
To be able to love properly, we have to attend a funeral first: we have to bury a lot of our hopes deep in the ground That funeral is the most romantic thing we could ever do. It will liberate us to go back out into the world and have proper human relationships that can endure, and flourish.
要学会真正去爱，我们得先经历一场“葬礼”：将那些不切实际的幻想深埋于泥土。这或许是我们能做过最浪漫的事。当执念入土为安，我们终将获得解脱，重返人间去经营那些能够历经风雨而枝繁叶茂的感情。
By: The School of Life