又一篇好文来啦，请阁下细细品尝。在人际交往中，我们可能有很多很多的朋友，当我们打开通讯录，里面的好友成百上千，可是真正的好朋友有多少个呢？我们遇过各式各样的人，也逐渐有了自己对于好朋友的定义，越来越清楚好朋友跟“酒肉”朋友的区别，那么，怎样的朋友才算是真正的好朋友呢？这是一个“好朋友标准”的清单，我们都能够从中发现自己的不足之处，也能借此看到自己的朋友有哪些闪光点。拥有了这些品质，不仅仅会成为一个更好的朋友，也会成为一个更有情商、更受欢迎的人。Some of the reason why we aren’t, collectively, so good at friendship, is that we don’t have a clear idea of what a really good friend might be like.我们都不太擅长交友的部分原因是，我们不清楚真正的好朋友是什么样子。It may therefore be worth trying to draw up a list of an ideal candidate, so as to focus our desires and spur us on to acquire the sort of character we would want to find in others:因此，有必要列出理想朋友的名单，以便重视我们的渴望，并促使我们学到我们在其他人身上发现的优良品格。Firstly, the ideal friend knows how to show weakness.首先，理想的朋友知道如何示弱。The ideal friend doesn’t try to prove how robust and successful they are; on the contrary, quite often, they let us know awkward and potentially embarrassing things about themselves. They show how much they trust us by confessing failings and sorrows which would open them up to possible humiliation from the world beyond. They offer us the gift of their vulnerability.理想的朋友不会试图证明他们是多么健壮和成功。相反，他们经常让我们知道他们自己的尴尬和潜在的尴尬。他们通过坦诚他们的失败和悲伤来证明他们对我们的信任。这些悲伤和失败揭示了他们在外部世界遭受的羞辱。脆弱就是他们给我们最好的礼物。Secondly, they’re genuinely interested in our sorrows and difficulties.第二，他们真的关心我们的悲伤和困难。And yet they’re not shocked, or even surprised, by the weird and stupid things we’ve done. They’re not judgemental – they don’t come down harshly and critically on our weaknesses because they know themselves well enough to be alert to their own odder and more troubled sides, and they do us the graceful favour of assuming that – behind the scenes – we’re as radically imperfect as they are.然而，他们对我们所做的奇怪和愚蠢的事情既不感到震惊，甚至也不感到惊讶。他们不是尖酸的人，他们不会无情而严厉地批评我们的弱点，因为他们足够了解自己，能够对自身的原则和烦恼保持警觉。他们会得体地让我们暗自知道我们跟他们一样一点也不完美。Thirdly, the proper friend is reassuring.第三，合适的朋友使你安心。They don’t just flatter; they understand how easily we lose perspective, panic and underestimate our own ability to cope. They know we’ve got zones of fragility that need to be treated very gently. Sometimes they get us to laugh at ourselves, when, on our own, we’d be inclined to self-pity or rage.他们不会奉承。他们理解我们多么容易失去主见，多么容易低估自己的处置能力。他们清楚地知道我们的脆弱，需要温柔以待。有时他们让我们都笑话自己。当我们独自一人时，我们容易自怜和愤怒。Fourthly, a true friend helps build our self-understanding.第四，真正的朋友帮助我们建立自我理解。There are so many things we don’t entirely comprehend about who we are. We get agitated or defensive and we don’t really know why. We find it tricky to pin down our goals. We might have some strong opinions, but it can be difficult to explain really why these ideas matter to us. The right friend listens and helps us piece together the best account of our fears and excitements.对于我们是谁，有很多事情我们不完全理解。我们变得焦躁不安或者自我防卫。我们真的不知道为什么我们发现确立目标是多么的困难。我们可能有一些强烈的意见，但是真的很难解释为什么这些想法对我们如此重要。正确的朋友倾听并且帮助我们最详尽地描述我们的恐惧与兴奋。Fifthly, they help us think.第五，他们帮助我们思考。More often than it’s comfortable to admit, we don’t quite know what we think until a proper friend gently asks us to expand on a thought, to explain why we’re impressed by it and to find good answers to possible objections. They see the potential in what we’re saying when we can’t.相比于勉强承认我们完全不清楚我们想什么，合适的朋友会得体地要求我们要开拓思维，要解释我们为什么印象深刻，要找到尽可能相反的好答案。当我们难堪说不清时，他们能明白我们的潜在所指。他们帮助我们喜欢自己。Sixthly, they help us to like ourselves.第六，好朋友喜欢我们。The good friend likes us in ways we’re not easily able to like ourselves. Normally, we’re intently alive to our own shortcomings; it’s more obvious (from our point of view) what’s disappointing or frustrating about us than what’s endearing or attractive. We need a friend because we’re liable to be so very unfriendly towards ourselves.尽管我们不会轻易喜欢我们自己。通常我们都是专注于自己的缺点，在我们自己看来，我们更容易展示的不是惹人喜爱和有魅力的一面，而是令人失望或者沮丧的一面。我们需要朋友，因为我们对自己并不十分友好。We tend to think that a true friend must be someone we spend a lot of time with. But actually, the ideal other becomes part of us: we internalise who they are, how they speak, the way they smile, the way they pause or get enthusiastic. They continue to inhabit our brain, even when we haven’t been in touch for a while or when they are far away. The good friend is always with us.我们倾向于认为真正的朋友是我们花很多时间陪伴的人，但实际上理想的朋友也是我们的一部分。我们将他们内化成了自己，他们说话的方式、他们微笑的方式、他们停顿或者变得热情的方式，即使我们很久不见，或者他们不在我们身边，他们仍寄居于我们的脑海。好朋友永伴我们。By The School of Life译：良哥